One Week

Really....one week?  It is 9:20 a.m. as I write this.  This time next week I should be inching my way to the recovery room.  One week!  It have wanted to do this for 15 years (if not more) and now I am only one week away?  AHHH.

I am really starting to get nervous....really nervous.  Excited nervous and scared nervous all at one time.  Every so often the thought "am i making the right decision" pops into my head but that is easily popped right back out.  I know that I am making the right decision.  I have been making lists of things that I have to get done prior to next week such as wrapping, shopping, packing, etc....  I have nearly everything all put together for the trip.  My stuff is in my suitcase...just have to put the kids stuff in, too.  Today I have my pre-op physical and tomorrow I meet with the plastic surgeon one last time.  At that time I will get some herbal supplements (arnica montana) and my prescriptions for pain pills.  I have not been able to take an pain killers (i.e. excedrin migraine, etc...) since last Monday (the 6th) cause you can't have anything with aspirin or ibuprofen for 2 weeks out.  Surprisingly, I have not really had a headache.  Knock on wood!

I am determined to have everything done this weekend so that I can enjoy this weekend with the family.  Saturday James has a race and then who knows what we will do---James can take Paige and Connor to see Tron while I walk around....since I won't be able to comfortably walk around for long periods of time for a little bit.  Sunday, Paige has dance lesssons and then we have to drive up to my parents to exchange gifts and then to my aunts for a holiday party.  Good food and good company!

So---I have 3 more gifts to get (1 is a gift card and I finally got the sizes for two other little girls).  I am going to pick out outfits for the kids for next week and put the in bags so that way it is easier to get them ready.  I have to finish packing....oh and the biggest thing is that I have to keep from FREAKING OUT!!  LOL.

Oh boy.....a week!

Say it ain't so....and I got....

Say it ain't so folks...I AM SICK.  Yesterday throughout the day I was feeling worse and worse and worse and then I made the decision...yup...I am sick.  So sick that I knew that I needed meds.  Off to Walmart I went with Connor in toe to get some nyquil and dayquil.  I rested and went off to dream land courtesy of nyquil.  I woke up GROSS!  As soon as the doctors office opened, I called.  I went it at 12:15  and came out with the diagnosis of bronchitis.  Ugh.

Well....the doctor is choosing to be aggressive with the treatment of this one because I GOT APPROVED FOR THE BR!  So--on the 20th I will be under the knife.  I cannot go into this coughing!

So---working the rest of the day with this horrible cough and a fever and congestion and then off to Target I go to pick up my prescription. 

Happy weekend!

Fit doesn't just mean physically but mentally, too

35 years.....that's how old I am.  For the first 31 of those years....a lot happened.  I can't remember a lot of it...but those moments that I can remember have left a mark on me.  Those marks made scars....because I let them and because I didn't let them and the events go.

So, here I am.  Scarred.....and needing to let the hurt and pain go that I have let build up.  I am not going to blame the hurt on anyone else.  Yes...the actions that caused the pain involved other people but the fact that I let the pain hold on to me is my fault.  MY FAULT.

I wish that I knew an easy way to just "let it go" or "move on".  It is so easy to say it.  How does one do it?  I have felt the feelings...I have felt the pain....I have felt the anger.  Oh have I felt the anger.  I have to forgive the people and their actions.

I have been reading about emotional hoarding, how to forgive others and let go, self forgiveness, and other such topics for the past couple of hours.  I am definitely an emotional hoarder.  Emotional hoarding is holding on to past grudges and negative feelings, allowing them to clutter your mind until you cannot mentally function in your present life.  I wouldn't say that I hold onto grudges.....or maybe I do.  I can honestly admit that I hold onto negative feelings.  


Not having self-forgiveness makes it impossible to love oneself because the view of oneself is more negative than positive.  I am human....I have made mistakes.....I have been hurt....I have hurt others.....I am human.  How can I forgive myself for hurting others?  I have to.  What's that saying "to err is human, to forgive is divine"?  


Okay...so here it is...or there it was.  Positive outlook (reminding myself daily that I am a good person).....when a thought pops into my head dealing with hurt/dread/fear or other negative emotions...I am going to take a second....evaluate it.....decide if it is something valid that has to dealt with today?  If it is....make a note of it if I can't deal with it at the moment....if it isn't something valid and is something that is just festering and is irrational I am going to take a deep breathe....and let it go.  Breathe in the present and a touch of the future.  I hope that as time goes on.....this practice will lead itself to the gradual letting go and the lessening of these feelings popping up.


What do you do to maintain a positive attitude even in the times that you are struggling?  You never know....what you do could be the perfect thing for someone else!

Battered and Bruised......

Happy Thanksgiving short week! Battered and Bruised...that is what Paige and I are.  My knee and foot are still hurting so I have been modifying the Jillian Michaels30 Day Shred.  Paige, on the other hand, was accidentally pushed today and she was pushed into a metal bar on the playground.  That would have been okay....but the part of her body that hit was her eye!  Oh boy! She will most likely have a black eye tomorrow.

This leads me to Christmas cards. Do you do regular Christmas cards or do you do a photo of the kids or your family?  I like pictures. Some years have been just the kids and some the whole family.  Well, it is that time and now Paige is bruised.  James already said that he is going to have to polish up on his photo shop skills.  Well....then we get to visit Shutterfly and pick out some cards! LOVE IT!  Take a look at those or these christmas photo cards on shutterfly.  They even have collage ones which I love because you can show some memorable moments through the year!  We have some pretty cute Disney pictures of the two of them and then other pictures that we took through the year that would look so cute......or we may just get that perfect picture of the kiddos in front of the fire place that may be "the picture" that will be the card this year.  Whatever it is...I can't wait to experiment with the cards that shutterfly has to offer!  

Right after the holidays the focus goes to birthdays and I see that they have super cute invitations.  Usually we make our own photo card invitation but I might have to change it to shutterfly this year.  They always have sales, too!

Well....I hope that you are all having a great short week and have burned enough calories to eat til your hearts content....although you should probably try not to eat to that point!  LOL.  I looked through my cooking magazines today and came across a pumpkin chiffon cake...it has 123 calories per slice and 2.5 grams of fat.  Can't wait to taste it!  Have a great Thanksgiving everyone!

Jen

Tick Tock Tick Tock

Hello everyone!  How are you doing?  Well....some big things this week.  This week is the last week of the 3 challenges (sit ups, push ups, squats) that I have been doing.  Now...onto the next challenge.  I have it ALL FIGURED OUT!

Oh--first I should say that the doctor gave me to go-ahead to schedule my BR (breast reduction).  It is set for December 20th at 7:30 a.m.  I have to be at the hospital at 6 a.m.  Fun times.  I really wanted this date because the next whole week I am off and am going to Oklahoma with the family to visit family.  This will be a great time to relax and heal.  The issue that they had with scheduling is that my follow up appt would be one week later.  Well, I will not be in town.  The nurse spoke to Dr. Schreiber and he is okay with me waiting til I get back since he is going to use dissolvable sutures.  I am excited and scared all at the same time.  I am excited to get this done and move on with my aspirations to increase my health but scared about the procedure.  Both feelings are normal so I am okay with it.

Anywho....back to my plan.  So as of today there are 33 more days til my surgery.  The exercise program that I was doing is a 30 day program.  So---starting in three days I will officially be doing Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred.  I hope that my laptop will be back by then and I can use that.  30-days to decrease the weight....increase the tone....and then the reduction.  I won't feel as bad about having to take off a few weeks from exercising after doing the 30 days....I hope.

That will also give 3 more days for my stupid knee to feel better.  I have bad knees from too much catching in softball (catcher that is).  Last week I had a pain in the back of my knee and it felt like it was going to buckle but kind of the back way.  It was odd.  Yesterday, I started with a pain in the front inside part of my knee....lower area.  It was mildly swollen.  Stupid!  This morning when I woke up I could barely walk on it.  Ugh....and it still hurts.  I am about to take an NSAID to see if that helps.  I have no idea what I did.....but I certainly hope it gets better soon!

So---what's next.  Finish the challenges, start the 30 day shred in 3 days, and get an appt for a physical to get all of my pre-op stuff.  That's it here besides the hubby getting a new car over the weekend (that's a big stressor off since his car was one minute away from breaking down), parent visitation in the kindergarten classes tomorrow, and planning for our Christmas getaway.  How is life your way?

Patience..patience....ugh just give me the answer!

Most of the day I can keep my mind OFF of the decision that the insurance company is going to make regarding my BR.  Other times it pops into my head and makes me so anxious because I WANNA KNOW!   I don't even know if the doctor wrote the letter to send in yet.  Ugh.  Patience...patience Jen.

Other changes are impending.  I am working on some other life changing things relating to my career.  You see...I have a masters degree in forensic studies...concentration law.  I have been working in the human service/social work field for about 13 years now.  I have a passion for law and investigation and I want to be doing that.  I am stagnant where I am now and it is tiresome and draining.  I take those feelings home with me and that is not good.  So...I have contacted some old professors and the career center about getting the ball rolling. I  just need someone to give me a chance in the field so that I can start building my experience up.  James has been helping and has had some great ideas.  Do any of you have any ideas how I can do this?

So...the night before last I started Jillian Michales 30 Day Shred.  It kicked my ass.  On top of that I had to do my challenges.  My legs are still hurting!  Last night I was going to do the shred but my laptop had an unfortunate meeting with the floor so it is in the repair shop.  I am going to do it tonight....stupidly on the same night as my challenges.  Will I ever learn?  I hope to start seeing the results very soon.

So--this weekend will be car shopping for James and prepping for a baby shower...I have to make a cake and do the favors.  I love making cakes...therapeutic of sorts!    What are you doing this weekend?  Whatever it is...I hope you have a good one!

And Now....The Waiting Game

So....I made it to the doctors.  First I read and studied and read and studied.  His practice has a pretty great website describing everything. http://www.baltimoreplasticsurgery.com/  It helped to have some information going into the appt.....and actually straight from his mouth.  Dr. Schreiber was great.  He asked me many questions and over and over throughout the process he would ask if I had any questions.  So...after many pictures were taken (oh so fun) we sat down for the news.  What is it..you ask?  Hurry up and wait.  He has to write a letter to the insurance company requesting coverage.  He gave me a whole folder full of information including what meds to take when the days leading up the surgery....my thinking is that he would not have given me this info if he didn't feel positive about their answer.  So---IF the answer comes back that I can go ahead and get the reduction I have to go in one more time to go over everything and get prescriptions for antibiotics/pain meds, etc....  I made an appt to get a full physical for next week so don't think that should be an issue.  I don't want to get the word and then I can't get in with my primary doc for that.  Gives me something to contribute to the waiting game. 

I am guardedly optimistic about what the insurance company will say.  I so want to be excited and looking forward to it but I know that there is a change that it might not be approved.  So...I stick with things that I can control.....diet and exercise.  I was going to start the Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred tonight but my tummy is not accepting of it....think I ate something bad.  So....tomorrow I will try and start it again. 

Til tomorrow!

Tuesday is BR Day

What is BR day...you ask?  Breast Reduction Day!  Well---it isn't my actual surgery but it is my first step towards getting it done.  I guess that you could say that today was the first step when I went to my primary doc to talk to him about it and also get seen for this pesky cough that I have had for about a month and a half.  Turns out the cough is from all the post nasal drip I have from a stupid sinus infection.  I did talk to him about the BR and he said that I won't have any problems getting it approved....actually what he says is that he is "very confident" that I will have no problems.  That is a positive thing to say.  The way I look at it is that they should pay for it now instead of paying for all the problems I will have in the future.  As soon as I started talking about it with my doc (Dr. D) he knew exactly what I was talking about.  We started talking about exercising and the hindrance(s) that I have with these. It was nice that he knew what I was talking about.  My OB (or GYN at this point, I guess) is the one who referred me to the BD doc and Dr. D is good friends with Dr. O (GYN).  He delivered Dr. D's twins.  I know this because they were in the doc office several times when I was pregnant with Connor....or was it Paige....well one of them!  Actually I think it was Paige. 

Anywho....how am I feeling now?  Nervous.  I don't really know anyone else who has gone through this so besides the internet research that I have done...that is all I know.  I hear that this doc is very personable.  We will see!!  I will let you know tomorrow how it went....or didn't go.  LOL.  Til then!

To Run Or Not To Run....that is the question

Hi all!  Sorry about the silence...I have had a few posts in draft but just didn't get to posting them!  Hope you all had a great halloween!  We had fun taking the little ones trick or treating....and we are enjoying the fruits of their labor (lol). 

The challenges are going well.....but I still hate them...but that is okay but the end will feel nice.  I think that next we are going to do Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred.  I actually want to start it now and still might.


The big news is that I went to the sports med podiatrist.  It was my first time seeing him.  He was GREAT.  He is younger and more personable.  So....apparently I have plantar fascious issues.  He looked at my x-rays and gave me the great news.  Yeah right.  So---I have Plantar Fasciitis which is compounded by my extremely high arch and really short Achilles tendon.  So what now?  I have to take a new rx twice a day (a stronger NSAID)---he took me off of the 800 mg ibuprofen because it really does nothing for me since I have been taking it off and on for years and years and years.  I have to wear this obnoxious looking boot contraption to sleep in and it is adjustable (push a button to make it tighter and tighter and points my foot more towards my head).  Every couple of weeks it will stretch it more but pumping the button on it.  Apparently this is supposed to stretch things.  I also have to get inserts for my shoes, have to get new shoes, and I have to roll a frozen bottle on the bottom of my foot every night....I guess like rolling a tennis ball....but instead a frozen water/coke bottle.  So...if it is still hurting in a month when I go back the next step is the cortisone shot.  I have been preparing to get the shot in my knee so moving this idea to my foot is no big deal. 

I asked him about running.  He said no treadmill running.  I can do some light street running.  Or....I may just stick to the Jillian Michaels thing and allow my foot to heal.  Oh---apparently a main problem with this injury is that when you sleep your foot drops which shortens the fascia and it starts to heel that way since you are at rest.  Well.....as soon as you get up it re-tares/aggravates it.  The doc did a great job explaining everything to me.

So....that's where I am.   I am not going to let this hold me back....just going to have to alter the plans a little bit.  So....how are you doing?

Todays goal achieved

So... I finally took some Excedrin migraine about 1/2 hour before I left work today because my head was killing me.  I figured while I was feeling a tad bit better...I should go with it.  So....after I made dinner and helped Paige with her school project I took to the challenges of the night.  I modified the sit ups a bit--I started with sit ups but about 1/4 a way through I switched to crunches.  Believe me...I still felt the pain!

Sit Ups :(
15
18
12
12
max I can do (minimum of 18)---I did 30!  Paige was a help with counting...made me go longer!

Push Ups
10
12
8
8
max I can do (minimum of 12)---I did 12 (they were hurting today)

Squats
13
16
11
11
max I can do (minimum of 16)---I did 25

So...that means I did 87 sit-up/crunches tonight, 62 push-ups, and 76 squats.  I am pretty proud of that.

I should mention to that I closed the car door on the top of my foot and it is really sore....and then I fell picking Paige up at her after school program.....so I am even more proud of the numbers I got tonight!

Now onto thinking about tomorrows goal...although I think that I already have an idea of what that is going to be.  Til then folks!  Happy reading, happy sleeping, and happy squating!

jen

Dreading the beast

How is it that this is only the second day of my blog and I am already struggling?  LOL.  I feel like crap...sure I could put it another way...but let's be real here.  You see, I have sinus issues.  I punctured my sinus when I was 16 resulting in a week stay in the hospital which resulted in surgery and plastic surgery to fix the damage that the infection that ensued caused.  So....I am more apt to get sinus infections than the regular individual.  I got a cold a few weeks ago (after getting the flu) and thought I had kicked it....but apparently that last little germ made its way to my to my sinus and decided to have some babies.  So...here comes the struggle.  Tonight is Wednesday.  Wednesday means that it is challenge day.  I haven't missed a day of the challenge (although I started a week late because of the flu). 

So...I am dreading the beast.  The beast is SIT UPS!  Ugh.  The push ups are getting harder because the amounts are going up...the squats remain easy...but those damn sit ups.  Let's see...what are the numbers for tonights challenge (remembering that it is 5 sets per challenge....the last being the maximum that you can do).

Sit Ups :(
15
18
12
12
max I can do (minimum of 18)

Push Ups
10
12
8
8
max I can do (minimum of 12)

Squats
13
16
11
11
max I can do (minimum of 16)

OMG!  Did you see those numbers for the sit ups?  That is a total minimum of 75 sit ups (if I do the minimum on my last set).  Okay folks....I may not be here tomorrow cause I may be dead. 

Todays Goal:  Finish the challenge targets (listed above) tonight.

Never to Late to Start

Welcome to my new and improved blog (take 2).  I wrote this long post yesterday and hit save….but it didn’t save!  Ugh.  Oh well…..there is always another chance to do again!

I said new and improved because I have had a blog in the past but I didn’t stick with it and want to start new with a new focus…so here I am.  This blog is a journal of sorts in my journey to get fit.  I hope that as it starts out as a journal that it can become a place where great conversations can happen. 

So…here we go!  Back in the spring I was all gung-ho.  I restricted my diet…I drank pretty much only water….and I was always moving.  As a result….I lost 25 lbs.  Well, vacation came and a family emergency happened which required travel and my focus on improving my health went by the weigh side and here I am a few pounds up (didn’t gain it all back thank goodness) and unhappy with how I feel physically.

My husband has been a running fool….well….sort of.  He has had oodles and oodles of set backs but the difference is that he jumps right back into it.  He also got us involved in 3 challenges.  Each challenge is 6 weeks.  They are to get to 200 sit ups, 100 push ups, and 200 squats.  I am on my third week of doing this.  I like doing it….well….let me change it to I like doing MOST of it.  The push ups are okay, the squats are great, but the sit-ups….I HATE THEM!  If there was a stronger word than HATE….I would use them.  See, there is another problem.  I have a large upper area if you catch my drift.  I really want to get a reduction (cause they don’t go away when I lose weight)….and I am researching how to do this.  Anywho---we do these challenges (all three)…three times a week.  They consist of 4 sets of each and then you do the maximum that you can do.

On Saturday, James ran the Army 10 miler and I walked around the Pentagon grounds with Connor (our 2 ½ year old….we also have a 5 ½ year old little girl).  I walked around and stood at the finish line for an hour and a half or so watching the runners come in and the thought would pop into my head that I would like to run this race.  Then….the other side would pop into my head…10 MILES ARE YOU CRAZY?  As I was driving down 95 to the DC metro that morning I saw a sign that said 7 miles to the 495/95 split and I purposely made myself pay attention at how LONG that 7 miles was.  IT WAS LONG!  What am I thinking about adding 3 more to that?  I know with lots (okay LOTS) of encouragement and focus that I will be able to do it…but right now it feels daunting. 

I should have stated first that I injured my foot….the ligament on the bottom of my foot to be exact.  I am not doing any running until I see the podiatrist (sports medicine podiatrist) next week.  I fully believe that the issue came about because of my running shoes.  So…I will wait and find out and stick to my 3 challenges.  That….and change my mindset….and redo my thoughts about food.  Taking everything away and not allowing anything is not the right way to do it.  Allowing yourself to taste the things you love but not to over indulge yourself in those things is the right way.  For example, I love my iced caramel machiatos from Starbucks (nonfat)….right now this mornings (5 hours ago) is sitting in front of me.  I still have about half left.  In front of the cup are two water bottles.  When I think…ooh I am thirsty and want some coffee….I have to pass those waterbottles.  Nine times out of ten I will grab those water bottles. 

This time…I am going to make daily goals until I get my mindset to where I can make a weekly goal and a monthly goal…etc. 

Todays goal:  research and contact a doctor about breast reduction. 

Done---appt is set for November 9^th.