35 years.....that's how old I am. For the first 31 of those years....a lot happened. I can't remember a lot of it...but those moments that I can remember have left a mark on me. Those marks made scars....because I let them and because I didn't let them and the events go.
So, here I am. Scarred.....and needing to let the hurt and pain go that I have let build up. I am not going to blame the hurt on anyone else. Yes...the actions that caused the pain involved other people but the fact that I let the pain hold on to me is my fault. MY FAULT.
I wish that I knew an easy way to just "let it go" or "move on". It is so easy to say it. How does one do it? I have felt the feelings...I have felt the pain....I have felt the anger. Oh have I felt the anger. I have to forgive the people and their actions.
I have been reading about emotional hoarding, how to forgive others and let go, self forgiveness, and other such topics for the past couple of hours. I am definitely an emotional hoarder. Emotional hoarding is holding on to past grudges and negative feelings, allowing them to clutter your mind until you cannot mentally function in your present life. I wouldn't say that I hold onto grudges.....or maybe I do. I can honestly admit that I hold onto negative feelings.
Not having self-forgiveness makes it impossible to love oneself because the view of oneself is more negative than positive. I am human....I have made mistakes.....I have been hurt....I have hurt others.....I am human. How can I forgive myself for hurting others? I have to. What's that saying "to err is human, to forgive is divine"?
Okay...so here it is...or there it was. Positive outlook (reminding myself daily that I am a good person).....when a thought pops into my head dealing with hurt/dread/fear or other negative emotions...I am going to take a second....evaluate it.....decide if it is something valid that has to dealt with today? If it is....make a note of it if I can't deal with it at the moment....if it isn't something valid and is something that is just festering and is irrational I am going to take a deep breathe....and let it go. Breathe in the present and a touch of the future. I hope that as time goes on.....this practice will lead itself to the gradual letting go and the lessening of these feelings popping up.
What do you do to maintain a positive attitude even in the times that you are struggling? You never know....what you do could be the perfect thing for someone else!
3 comments:
I went through a period of major postpartum after my son was born. The one thing that stuck out for me and made my days better that my husband told me, you have a choice, when you wake up in the morning, even before getting out of bed, don't let the negative thoughts follow. Instead get up and say "today I'm gonna have a good day".
Something as simple as that make it easier to get up in the mornings.
Without knowing your situation, I would say that thinking positiviley and making yourself a priority, caring for yourself and putting yourself first helps alot!
hugs to you!
I know it's hard to change your behavior, but I've got confidence you can do it. Thinking positively about yourself is the key. Everything in the past is done, can't be changed, unalterable, so don't waste your efforts on it. Focus on the positive and the future.
Physical exercise is actually one of the best was to fight negative thinking, more mental health professionals are recommending it to help "treat" depression. Getting vitamin D (best if absorbed through sunlight ---so get outside!!) is also being looked at more and more.
Regular meditation exercises (deep breathing, guided imagery, etc.) have some research supporting them as well.
As far as what I do, I try to remember that I have control over my thoughts, and look to focus on something positive, such as focusing on what things I am grateful for in my life. I sometimes pull out favorite old albums and get lost in the music or watch/read something that I know will make me laugh. It sometimes helps me to reconnect with the aspirations I have had for my life, possibly things I wanted to do when I was just beginning adulthood, and looking up stuff online about those goals. Going for a run, doing some yoga, or even just lying outside to read a book are other things I do. I guess the key is to take the energy you are wasting on negative thoughts, realize that dwelling on those thoughts does nothing to change them and only furthers the pain, accept that you have control over your own mind, and redirect that energy into thinking about another task/positive scenario.
There are some exercises I have taught to students that I can tell your about or show you in OK. Your exercise of breathing and bringing yourself into the present moment is a big part of it.
It's just finding what works for you.
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