One Week

Really....one week?  It is 9:20 a.m. as I write this.  This time next week I should be inching my way to the recovery room.  One week!  It have wanted to do this for 15 years (if not more) and now I am only one week away?  AHHH.

I am really starting to get nervous....really nervous.  Excited nervous and scared nervous all at one time.  Every so often the thought "am i making the right decision" pops into my head but that is easily popped right back out.  I know that I am making the right decision.  I have been making lists of things that I have to get done prior to next week such as wrapping, shopping, packing, etc....  I have nearly everything all put together for the trip.  My stuff is in my suitcase...just have to put the kids stuff in, too.  Today I have my pre-op physical and tomorrow I meet with the plastic surgeon one last time.  At that time I will get some herbal supplements (arnica montana) and my prescriptions for pain pills.  I have not been able to take an pain killers (i.e. excedrin migraine, etc...) since last Monday (the 6th) cause you can't have anything with aspirin or ibuprofen for 2 weeks out.  Surprisingly, I have not really had a headache.  Knock on wood!

I am determined to have everything done this weekend so that I can enjoy this weekend with the family.  Saturday James has a race and then who knows what we will do---James can take Paige and Connor to see Tron while I walk around....since I won't be able to comfortably walk around for long periods of time for a little bit.  Sunday, Paige has dance lesssons and then we have to drive up to my parents to exchange gifts and then to my aunts for a holiday party.  Good food and good company!

So---I have 3 more gifts to get (1 is a gift card and I finally got the sizes for two other little girls).  I am going to pick out outfits for the kids for next week and put the in bags so that way it is easier to get them ready.  I have to finish packing....oh and the biggest thing is that I have to keep from FREAKING OUT!!  LOL.

Oh boy.....a week!

Say it ain't so....and I got....

Say it ain't so folks...I AM SICK.  Yesterday throughout the day I was feeling worse and worse and worse and then I made the decision...yup...I am sick.  So sick that I knew that I needed meds.  Off to Walmart I went with Connor in toe to get some nyquil and dayquil.  I rested and went off to dream land courtesy of nyquil.  I woke up GROSS!  As soon as the doctors office opened, I called.  I went it at 12:15  and came out with the diagnosis of bronchitis.  Ugh.

Well....the doctor is choosing to be aggressive with the treatment of this one because I GOT APPROVED FOR THE BR!  So--on the 20th I will be under the knife.  I cannot go into this coughing!

So---working the rest of the day with this horrible cough and a fever and congestion and then off to Target I go to pick up my prescription. 

Happy weekend!

Fit doesn't just mean physically but mentally, too

35 years.....that's how old I am.  For the first 31 of those years....a lot happened.  I can't remember a lot of it...but those moments that I can remember have left a mark on me.  Those marks made scars....because I let them and because I didn't let them and the events go.

So, here I am.  Scarred.....and needing to let the hurt and pain go that I have let build up.  I am not going to blame the hurt on anyone else.  Yes...the actions that caused the pain involved other people but the fact that I let the pain hold on to me is my fault.  MY FAULT.

I wish that I knew an easy way to just "let it go" or "move on".  It is so easy to say it.  How does one do it?  I have felt the feelings...I have felt the pain....I have felt the anger.  Oh have I felt the anger.  I have to forgive the people and their actions.

I have been reading about emotional hoarding, how to forgive others and let go, self forgiveness, and other such topics for the past couple of hours.  I am definitely an emotional hoarder.  Emotional hoarding is holding on to past grudges and negative feelings, allowing them to clutter your mind until you cannot mentally function in your present life.  I wouldn't say that I hold onto grudges.....or maybe I do.  I can honestly admit that I hold onto negative feelings.  


Not having self-forgiveness makes it impossible to love oneself because the view of oneself is more negative than positive.  I am human....I have made mistakes.....I have been hurt....I have hurt others.....I am human.  How can I forgive myself for hurting others?  I have to.  What's that saying "to err is human, to forgive is divine"?  


Okay...so here it is...or there it was.  Positive outlook (reminding myself daily that I am a good person).....when a thought pops into my head dealing with hurt/dread/fear or other negative emotions...I am going to take a second....evaluate it.....decide if it is something valid that has to dealt with today?  If it is....make a note of it if I can't deal with it at the moment....if it isn't something valid and is something that is just festering and is irrational I am going to take a deep breathe....and let it go.  Breathe in the present and a touch of the future.  I hope that as time goes on.....this practice will lead itself to the gradual letting go and the lessening of these feelings popping up.


What do you do to maintain a positive attitude even in the times that you are struggling?  You never know....what you do could be the perfect thing for someone else!